The Discipline of Solitude
Raquel and I have known each other for 17 years now, three of which we’ve been married. When we first started dating we were in college, leading youth ministry together, and working full time jobs. It was such a busy time in our lives and I remember so clearly the longing for more time with Raquel.
What was interesting about this season is that Raquel and I went to school together, worked together, and led the youth ministry in our Jesus community together. We were in the same building, if not the same room, for at least 6 days out of the week!
You’re probably reading this and thinking, “Wow, this dude is clingy.” (Haha) The thing is, even though we were around each other so often, there were always other people around to attend to or other tasks to accomplish. We were rarely together in ways or environments that would allow us to talk in deep and vulnerable ways, developing intimacy.
Deep and meaningful relationships are developed in time spent alone with one another.
Thankfully, over time Raquel and I were able to take time to be alone together and develop a relationship strong enough to marry one another. Now, you’re probably thinking that since we’re married we have all the cuddle time and pillow talk time. In reality, since being married, our time alone is even more rare and precious to us. Yes, we live together and work from home together, and we STILL need time alone. We take every Monday to be alone as a family, and every Friday evening to be alone as a couple.
Why? Because we need to be intentional about sustaining deep and meaningful relationships as a couple and as a family. The work we do within our Jesus community takes a lot of our time and energy. So, even though we are close to one another in proximity, we still need to set apart time to be alone and vulnerable with one another interpersonally.
Deep and meaningful relationships are sustained in time spent alone with one another.
This is no different when looking at our relationships with our Father and God. Developing and sustaining a deep and meaningful relationship with Him requires time alone with Him. The discipline of solitude creates that opportunity.
What is the disciplines of solitude? In the context of following Jesus, it is a time and place that you intentionally set apart to be alone with God. We can see Jesus doing this regularly in the scriptures.
Luke 5:16 New Living Translation (NLT)
16 But Jesus often withdrew to the wilderness for prayer.
(This is just one of MANY examples of Jesus running off alone to be with God)
I am fully convinced that solitude is foundational to following Jesus. In the practicing of solitude, we learn how to create a space in which to practice all the other disciplines without distraction. Just last week Raquel shared her experiences with the discipline of silence. The discipline of solitude is the place where we learn to be silent and hear the voice of God for ourselves!
How does this work? Solitude (intentionally setting apart a place and time to be alone with Jesus) removes us from the busyness of everyday life and the distracting gazes of other people. By removing ourselves from the noise and gaze of this world, we rid ourselves of the pressure to perform and can more naturally connect with our Father.
Matthew 6:6 New Living Translation (NLT)
6 But when you pray, go away by yourself, shut the door behind you, and pray to your Father in private. Then your Father, who sees everything, will reward you.
In my life it began in 2012. I was recently laid off from work and living with my parents again (more motivation to seek the will of God for my life lol). I would try to dedicate time and space to prayer and reading my bible, but a retired father, siblings, and a small yappy dog made silence and alone time impossible.
I had to start looking for solitude.
I would run away to the basement, the garage, the building where our Jesus community met, and even the woods. I needed to be alone with Jesus and see if I could hear His voice for myself. During this season of life, I began sensing Him guide me, speak to my heart (which is hard to describe, but when it happens, you’ll know), and began having visions and dreams in which Jesus would speak to me.
As a result, seven years later, my wife and I are now able to teach people how to practice the discipline of solitude and see them discover the very same things.
This is why we follow Jesus and practice solitude with Him. He leads us to deep and meaningful relationship with our Father and Creator.
The discipline of solitude is also foundational in the formation of our identities as followers of Jesus and as sons and daughters of God.
We live in a society that so desperately wants us to find our identity in temporary things. Our jobs/the amount of money we can make, our education level, the amount of likes, shares, or comments we receive on social media, our sexuality or the labels and titles we accept/allow to be spoken over us (pastor, musician, mom, dad, liberal, conservative, charismatic, reformed, etc…).
None of these labels or functions are bad things, many of them are noble, but they are dangerous when they become tied to our identity. Whenever we consider our identity to be wrapped up temporary functions/titles, we are setting ourselves up for an identity crisis when they inevitably change. Anyone who has experienced an identity crisis will tell you, it’s devastating.
One of the ways we, as followers of Jesus, can discover what we are wrongfully placing our identity in, is by asking ourselves “What is keeping us from practicing the discipline of solitude?”
“I would spend more time with Jesus in solitude but I have to...”
Work, education, video games, social media, family, religion... As we spend more and more time alone with Jesus, He begins to reveal to us the places where we wrongfully find our worth and identity and replace them with true worth and identity.
John 1:12 New Living Translation (NLT)
12 But to all who believed him and accepted him, he gave the right to become children of God.
Our identity as followers of Jesus (I would argue as humans) has to be rooted in our “son-ship” and “daughter-ship.” There is no place where this can be more clearly formed than in the disciplines of our faith, specifically solitude. Once our identity is firmly rooted in our relationship with God as His sons and daughters, He shows us how all of those other titles and labels are privileged functions of being His child.
For example, because I am a son of God, loved and valuable in His eyes; I am able to be a husband to Raquel, a father to Ezra, and a leader to the Jesus community at Bethlehem Community Fellowship.
These titles and labels don’t feed into my identity, they flow out of it.
What does your time alone with Jesus look like? Have you taken time to be alone with Him, time to develop deep and meaningful relationship? Do you take enough time to be in solitude with Him to sustain that relationship? Where are you finding your sense of worth and identity?
We would love to hear from you in the comments below!
